14 Things That Create a Marriage Full of Happiness!

Over the last few weeks I've been thinking about why I love being married to Ethan and originally I thought how lucky we were in 'finding' each other to be able to have the relationship we have. However after thinking about it a bit more I realised that is it actually nothing to do with luck but rather the way we treat and value our relationship. For this reason I thought I would make a little list of things that I think have made all the difference in creating a marriage full of complete happiness! Now I know everyone is different and what works for some people doesn't work for others, there are so many ways to create a happy marriage, these are just some of the things that I have found work for us. I also know that we have only been married for 8 months, which in the grand scheme of things is an incredibly short amount of time, however a good marriage has to start somewhere. It shouldn't have to become a 'good marriage' over time (although I'm sure it will only get better if we continue to make it a priority), surely you can make it happy from the very beginning through the things that you do and the way that you treat each other. Anyway, enough of me trying to justify why I have written this post, here is my list of 14 things... :) (I will admit a couple are ideas that we have seen on the internet that we have adjusted to work with our relationship, but they can all be found on my pinterest http://pinterest.com/jocwilkinson/eternal-happiness-aka-marriage/)

1. We put each other first and make each others happiness our own.
I think this is one of the most important things, if I've been able to make Ethan happy during the day then it's been a good day. One of my favourite things is doing something that I know will make Ethan happy particularly when he's not expecting it like getting some Cadbury giant buttons for him in my way home or  making the house (or currently our room as we're living with friends over the summer) all tidy before he comes home from work. The wonderful part is that it's mutual. Today for example, Ethan knows I love watching Wimbledon, and so he encouraged me to go downstairs and enjoy it while it's on rather than be productive like he was being. So I spent a good couple of hours watching Wimbledon whilst painting my nails (something I do every year whilst watching Wimbledon for some reason) thinking that Ethan was just doing the bits and pieces that he needed to get done. At 6.30 Ethan came in to the living room which I expected to be so that we could decide what we wanted to have for dinner and then we'd make it, but instead Ethan came in with dinner all made! (A delicious pasta and meatballs). Not only had he done that but he had also hoovered the room, sorted the washing and put the clean bedding back on the bed all without me knowing so I could enjoy Wimbledon! I felt so loved!

Which leads me to my second point...
2. We make a point of asking how each of us have felt loved.
We vary in how regularly we ask each other, sometimes once a week and other times a few days in a row but its such a good thing because I find it allows me to think back over all the kind things Ethan has done because its easy to either forget or not notice and it also reminds me that I definitely am loved. It also means we are able to show our appreciation for things that we do for each other and show that we don't take for granted the little things that each of us do for each other.

3. Don't criticise.
This was something I learnt by experience. There is more than one way of getting things done and just because you do it one way doesn't make a different way better or worse. By criticising the way someone does something not only do you probably offend your spouse, but you're also not appreciating the effort they have made for you. I've decided that it is 10 times better to show my appreciation when Ethan does something for me and enjoy the fact that we do things differently rather than be critical because I pridefully think that my way is better.

4. Praise and be grateful.
When Ethan does something that I am grateful for or has done something really well I don't just think it, I make sure I say it and vice versa. It makes my day when Ethan says he's proud of me for doing something or is really thankful for something that I have done or says how beautiful I look that day :)

5. Companionship inventory.
This is something that Ethan did on his mission, which again is something we don't do too often but it's really good when we do. It is basically a time where we are both able to bring up anything that we feel that either of us could maybe work on or change, but because it is said in the context of companionship inventory it is very building and completely non critical so neither of us come away feeling negative. In fact, I often feel very positive about whatever we have talked about! We tend to do it in quite an informal way and often without planning to, by asking things like 'What can I do slightly better?' or 'What do I do that you would rather I didn't?' etc. which has lead to use realising that one of us didn't like it when the other said a particular word and other little things that you wouldn't always mention to avoid causing offence. By reviewing our relationship every now and then it avoids explosive arguments when things have been held in.

6. We laugh.
This might seem a bit pointless or obvious but I think its really important to be able to just laugh and have fun, which we do a lot! There are plenty of things in life to be serious about so it's the best to be able to come home to Ethan and be able to laugh and be silly when we want. We have had our fair share of sock fights and 'sumo wrestles' in our times. I married my best friend who is always able to make me laugh, I think marriage should definitely be full of laughter! :)

7. We make the effort to understand how each other 'work'
For example, when I'm really tired I get very irrational and everything becomes a really big deal but by the morning I'm completely happy and rational again. When we were first married theses irrational moments would lead to Ethan spending a good while trying to calm me down which in reality never really worked too well because I was so tired and just would not be thinking reasonably in any way. Now however, Ethan knows if I get upset about something late at night when I'm really tired all he needs to do is cuddle me as talking never solves anything and by the morning I'm completely happy again :)

8. Give affection freely.
I don't think you should ever have to work for affection, it's just not kind. Give affection freely, it makes you feel so much more loved when affection is shown often and is not based on any conditions or terms.

9. Pray together.
I think almost every evening before we go to sleep we pray together, I think we have only missed one or two nights since we have been married. I don't think I can actually go to sleep now without doing so. It's a lovely time in which we are able to express our gratitude for the things that have happened that day, pray for our baby, our families, our relationship, each other and anything else. It is also a humbling time, as mentioned in number 7, when I'm tired I'm not a very nice person to be around sometimes and I often get very grumpy, but you can't pray when you're grumpy! So whatever it is that I am making a fuss about I often realise isn't important and quickly stop being grumpy and we go to sleep happy :)

10. Avoid heated arguments.
Everyone are bound to have disagreements at some point, but they don't have to be heated, angry arguments where unkind words are spoken and voices are raised. If there is something that Ethan and I disagree on we generally try and just talk about it in a gentle loving way. I remember when we were dating there was something that we weren't agree on yet we were still sat holding hands whilst being unimpressed with each other! Every now and then I will sulk for a little bit (I'm quite good at that! Haha) but after a few minutes I go and cuddle Ethan and apologise to each other as it's just not a nice feeling not being happy with each other and 'peace is restored in the Wilkinson household' as Ethan would say :) Never hold grudges, they are not kind or nice for anyone involved, even if you feel justified in your reasoning!

11. Talk!
Talk about everything and anything! Your hopes, dreams, fears, worries, and all the little things in between. I'm pretty certain that it is a lie when people say women are mind readers, I know I'm definitely not! So I really appreciate it when Ethan tells me how he is feeling about something because the chances are I have no idea! We are both so much more able to respond to each other's needs when we actually KNOW what those needs are. There is also something very comforting that comes from knowing that you can tell your spouse anything that is worrying or troubling you, but I think that only comes from having built up a trusting relationship though talking about the little things as well as the big :) It is also incredibly bonding and brings a lovely spirit when we talk about things relating to church, such as what we have read in the scriptures that day or talking about a lesson we have been in on sunday or a lesson that either of us are planning. Some of my favourite conversations have been when we have been talking about gospel topics :)

12. Our relationship is OURS!
So no one else should be involved. We both have wonderful parents who we both love very much, however our relationship is ours not theirs and so they don't interfere or take sides or anything like that. The relationship each of us have with our parents should never cause the other to feel threatened or of lesser importance in anyway. I love my parents and siblings so much but my husband is my first priority and no one comes before him. From what I've seen when other people start getting involved in other people's relationships either family or friends, that's when things start getting messy.

13. Live within your means.
This is one that might not be so obvious but again I think is very important. There is a great amount of peace and happiness that can come from knowing that you are living within your means with no debt. (Now both Ethan and I are students, so we have student finance debt, but that is unavoidable if you want to go to university so I will ignore that). We do not spend more than we have by using the generous overdrafts that we have access to as students and even have savings! We are sensible in the way we spend our money which means we are able to treat ourselves to dinner out or other things that we enjoy every now and then. Living in debt can bring so much unnecessary stress to a marriage that can be VERY detrimental.

14. Intimacy.
I wasn't going add this one as it's way more personal than the rest, but it is SO important that I couldn't not. But developing an intimate relationship that is full of love and trust is just so important. It is also beneficial to be able to talk openly and comfortably about it, which is actually not very easy sometimes. We have found a book that my mum gave us when we got married called 'And They Were Not Ashamed' by Laura Brotherson really good for prompting conversation where we can openly talk about it without feeling uncomfortable in any way. But I shall leave it at that as it is a rather personal thing.

I could carry on for days I think, I have already been writing this over 3 days (admittedly I have been watching Wimbledon each time I have been writing) but these are some of the things that I think are so important for our relationship and have contributed to it being a marriage full or more happiness than I ever expected! :)

He makes my life such a beautiful place!

Healthy Jo Equals Healthy Baby

So I started writing this post over a month ago, but due to having exams I really hadn't been doing as much exercise as I'd been planning to so it would have been a bit of a pointless and somewhat hypocritical post really. But my exams are over! So I have started exercising more :D

The reason for this is... I went to an antenatal class back in the beginning of May and we were given a leaflet stating 12 reason why you should exercise (sensibly) whilst pregnant.

They were:        
1.   Promotes a healthy lifestyle.
2.   Alliviates symptoms of pregnancy, like back ache and swelling.
3.   Sends more oxygen rich blood to the baby via the placenta.
4.   Increases endurance levels for labour.
5.   Reduces the likelihood of needing obstetric intervention like forceps and caesarean.
6.   Increases the ability to cope with labour anxiety and pain.
7.   Aids a faster recovery from labour.
8.   Improves sleep patterns, particularly in the first two trimesters.
9.   Helps you return to your pre-pregnancy weight, stamina, strength and flexibility quicker.
10. Enhances your self-esteem, body image and improves confidence.
11. Helps significantly with the treatment and recovery from post natal depression.
12. Keeps you stronger to lift and carry your baby after birth.
13. Helps you be fit enough to go up 5 flights of stairs in Valencia (this is my own addition, we have our apartment sorted for our 6 months in Spain and it is completely ideal apart from it's on the fifth floor with no lift, but it only means more exercise so it's not so much of a bad thing I hope...)

Are these not completely motivating to stay fit?! So since then I have been doing 2x1 minute planks each morning, 15 press ups and the occasional lunge or squat, however now my exams are over I have got the time to go to gym classes twice a week and Ethan wants to go swimming once a week starting next week too! He's also encouraging me to cycle into the city center rather than get the train as it only takes 25 minutes (for him!) but I haven't been able to muster up the courage to do that yet as it's really hilly on the way back :l

Healthy Jo is going to keep up this healthiness (as long as my body lets me) for a healthy baby and hopefully a far more pleasant labour, although I don't think labour could ever be described as pleasant... Haha

Baby boy!

I'm a bit late, but we're having a healthy baby boy! I think this is really exciting because everyone (including Ethan and I) thought we were expecting a girl! At first when we were told it was a boy Ethan and I were slightly taken a back because we were convinced (in reality based on nothing) that it was a girl and in the last couple of weeks had even been referring to it as she but we both feel really excited that its a boy. 

It's funny, because lots of people thought/wanted it to be a girl (mostly so they could buy pretty clothes etc) I've found I've got really defensive about people saying things like 'you're joking, it's actually a girl isn't it' to the point where I've even deleted comments on Facebook because I feel like they're offending my poor unborn child. In reality I know it's a silly thing to get defensive about as they don't mean anything unkind or they wouldn't be saying it at all! Haha, but it is a funny reaction to have.

It took me a while to get to sleep last night (as usual) and so I was just thinking about that fact that we're having a boy and how funny he will be if he is anything like Ethan! Although he was very difficult as a baby I've heard so hopefully it will be a little more like I was as a baby (from what my parents have said I was pretty much the prefect child ;). I know it's going to come with so many ups and downs but I cannot wait for our beautiful little family to grow and to be able to experience the miracle of being a mother. Admittedly I still feel way too young to be referring to myself as a mother (in the nearish future), not so much because of my age but more so because I look 12 still! Haha

Every now and then I picture in my head what our baby might look like as a mix of Ethan and I've come to a rough idea in my head...

This photo is amazing!

Ethan is the one in the middle (not the baby, that's Thea) with his cute blonde hair and blue eyes.

Then this is the youngest photo of me I could find on facebook, with my chubby cheeks!

They were so small and cute!

Cutest little child ever!

So I came to the conclusion that our baby may look something like my younger brother, who had really blonde hair, blue eyes like Ethan and I and my chubby cheeks! He was just the cutest child growing up ever! He's now 12 which is crazy!! Whatever our baby looks like I think it will be the scrummiest little baby you could ever meet! :)

Gender Predictor Krispy Kremes!

Tomorrow we have our 20 week scan! For some reason this seems to surprise everyone as quite a few people have said 'I thought you had only just found out!' However that was nearly 4 months ago now! (We found out at 3 weeks because I was impatient to test and it amazingly was actually positive by that point!)

But anyway, we are so excited to see the baby again tomorrow, the 12 week scan feels like a life time ago now! We are also hoping to find out the gender, which lots of people are also surprised about, but if they have the technology to be able to tell you then why not find out, you're going to at some point anyway and it just means you can enjoy buying cute clothes over the next couple of months! (I know they sometimes make mistakes but from what I learnt from my lovely friend who is a midwife they are pretty accurate the majority of the time, especially if the baby is one of those that has no shame and has it all on show... haha).

So in preparation for the scan tomorrow we decided to buy a Krispy Kreme gender predictor doughnut! I never even knew they sold them until a couple of days ago and there was no way I was missing out on getting one!

Please excuse my face with it's lack of make up etc! 

Ethan and I took turns in taking a bite until we got to the centre and it was BLUE! So we shall see if it was right tomorrow...

Also we thought it would be funny to have a poll to see what people thought we would be having and Facebook has changed so you can only have a poll for a facebook page rather than your own profile, so if you go on to Ethan's blog vote for which one you think it will be! The last time I had a look a girl had the most votes :) www.bleno.com/what-gender-will-our-first-baby-be/

EXCITING TIMES!!

We have movement!!

I only wrote a post last week (or sometime around then) and mentioned that I hadn't started to feel our little bubs move yet, however this is no longer the case!!

Around the middle of the week, I started to notice this feeling when I was lying down that felt something like a little bubble of air pop (that doesn't very accurately describe the feeling but that's the only way I can think of). At first I thought it could possibly be the baby moving as it sounded similar to things I'd read about but thought I'd wait and see if it happened again before I got too excited.

Excitingly it happened about 3 times the next day and the next! Since then I've been able to feel it with my hand actually make a little push against my stomach! Even better Ethan was able to feel it too today!

It's amazing to be able to actually feel it move, even though it's really only very tiny movements at the moment but it's so exciting knowing they are going to get bigger and stronger and more often soon enough (and maybe slightly annoying when it decides to have a fidget session while I'm trying to sleep haha). It's so reassuring being able to feel the little movements and know that the little baby is still there and growing, particularly as I seem to have gotten over all of the usual pregnancy symptoms so it's easy to almost forget I'm pregnant at all at the moment!

However, in other news I have a little bump!! It really depends on what I'm wearing though as to whether it looks like an actual little baby bump or just podge haha. I'm looking forward to it getting a little bigger so it looks like a proper baby bump, but I love that I have a bump at all! :D

This is my favourite new jumper ever and it was on sale!

Final thing, Ethan and I went to go see The Great Gatsby on Friday and it was completely amazing!! It was so powerful and Leonardo Di Caprio and Toby Maguire were perfect for Gatsby and Nick Carraway! Ethan even loved it even though he has never read the book before! So I HIGHLY recommend everyone to go and see it! :D

Pregnancy joys...

I'll admit there may have been a hint of sarcasm in the post title today... There are many joys of pregnancy, but there are also some not so joyful occasions!

One of my favourite joys in pregnancy is food! I'm hoping that this will soon be replaced by feeling the baby move but for your first baby that's more around 20 weeks or so I've heard, but every now and then I do lay still and wait for something but nothing yet sadly.

Back to food, I've not really had any craving as such, where I feel like I need to have X so much! More I just particularly fancy things, such as mayo in the first few weeks, then baked beans and now buttery mash potato with gravy (SO GOOD!). I've also discovered I've reverted back a little to my early teen loves of chicken flavoured Super Noodles, Cheese and Broccoli Pasta 'n' Sauces and Golden Nuggets for breakfast! Those three things make me so happy! I know none of them are particularly nutritious so I just have them as my occasional treat for lunch (the cereal for breakfast obviously) and then we're back to the nice and healthy vegetables for dinner, ideally with mash potatoes and gravy! :D

 

                                                                 My three favourites!I feel that being pregnant has made me have a much greater appreciation of food because I get hungry quite a lot so it is just so satisfying enjoying good food! That makes me sound as though I'm over indulging, I'm not, I've actually only put a pound on (so far...) which did concern me at first but after reading on the internet a bit I decided that as I'm eating when I'm hungry and good healthy food then it's not a problem, a few people said the weight piled on like crazy in the third trimester so we shall see what happens, I guess each body is different :)

However today has not been as much of a joyful occasion! I decided after a few weeks of putting it off I really needed a new bra fitting. Hello maternity bras... They should really not be classified as lingerie! However I will admit that they are quite comfy and it's nice having a bra that fits my ever expanding body! (I've gone up 4 cup sizes! I'm hoping that's that area of my body's expanding done for the rest of the pregnancy now...)

Pregnancy brings such entertainment... Haha 

Potential murderer or a kind middle aged man? Such are the times we live in.

I went to visit Ethan in McDonald's whilst he was working today and claim my free Big Mac that Ethan had won (and then gave to me, he knows the way to my heart!) and as I was ordering from Ethan we had a little chat, mainly about my temptation to buy something else until Ethan informed me that it was actually sold out. However the man that was ordering next to me seemed amused at the 'friendliness' of our conversation, adding a comment or two which was fine. Ethan gave me my Big Mac and I went to sit down on a little table of my own to enjoy it. Then to my surprise the man that had ordered came and sat opposite me! The weird thing was there were plenty of other available tables and he didn't say anything when he sat down like 'Can I sit here?' or 'Is this seat taken?' he said nothing that acknowledged the fact that he had just sat down in what I felt was my personable bubble. After awkwardly trying to eat my burger without everything falling out whilst this mid 50 year old man was sat watching me (!) my coat fell on the floor so I went to pick it up which he commented on, but I didn't quite catch what he said so I just awkwardly laughed and to which he asks if I want to share his chips!

I'll admit I was slightly creeped out by him, probably because I'd been reading about the 3 kidnapped women in Ohio and we've been watching a lot of 24 where EVERYONE is suspicious. But it did make me think, in reality this man, other than being just a little bit weird didn't actually do or say anything that was threatening to me in anyway. He may have been a well intentioned man who had seen that I'd been chatty when I had ordered my food and then seen that I was sitting alone so thought he'd be friendly and come sit by me, and then offer to share his chips because I only had a burger and he had a large portion of chips.

Before I left to go home I went back over to Ethan as he wasn't serving anyone and said that the man was a little creepy, which Ethan agreed with as he was able to see where I was sitting and told me to be careful getting home and make sure he wasn't near me, which is exactly what I did, constantly looking over my shoulder to make sure I couldn't see him and that he wasn't following me.

It's sad that in our society we don't trust those around us, despite the fact that they may be kind well intentioned people because of the few awful people that do exist around us. Part of me hopes that the man was slightly 'dodgey' so I don't feel bad for having effectively rejected his kindness, but at the same time part of me feels you can never really be too careful. Such are the times we live in.